Author: Maura Moynihan
Looking for that special someone to share your relationship goals? CCP has you covered!
Dating is tough enough even under normal conditions — add a global pandemic into the mix, and it gets even trickier. The CCP Virus has changed the dating game, and the CCP brand has taken a beating by destroying the world economy and possibly starting World War 3. The hospitality industry has been hit by travel bans to the PRC, plus the Beijing airport just closed due to a spike in CCPVirus cases. If you’re missing those tasty CCP junkets, banquets and after parties that guarantee hookups with CCP Hotties, plus juicy bribes and kickbacks, you’ve come to the right place! Whether you’re into sexy fun with buff PLA soldiers, or scoring true love with a senior Party official, The United Front Work Department has created three new dating apps to satisfy your desires and fulfill your dating dreams! Happiness is just a click away!
CCP Cupid * Chi Com Couples * CHINDER
Are you sick and tired of hearing your date blather on about forced organ harvesting and pestering you about US companies exploiting slave labor in CCP concentration camps? Don’t waste time with someone who just doesn’t fulfill your relationship needs. A meaningful partnership with someone who shares the CCP’s core values is just a few clicks away, with your own personalized Tik Tok Account and a Huawei Executive Club Pass.
We do the hard work so you can get to the fun part – dating a comrade! Rest assured that every member is looking for the same thing that you are: long- lasting love and shared goals of advancing the CCP’s plans to control 5G technology worldwide.
As Chairman Mao once put it, there’s no greater Love than “Serving the Party!”
Chi Com Couples Executive Club caters to mature singles looking for “Smooth Operators.” If you’re the kind of gal for whom a PLA uniform is a turn-on, we’ve got matches for you! Smokers welcome, but please, no vegetarians and no pets.
Finding the perfect match takes work; you want to portray yourself in an attractive, flirty way but still committed to the CCP’s goals of world domination. Our Tik Tok Apps simplify the process for you! Take our personality test, developed with Harvard Professors, find that meaningful relationship that we all strive for!
HARVARD’S Finest: Graham Allison & Bill Alford, on Dating CCP Style!
“We’re just so excited about the launch of Chinder, CCP Cupid and Chi Com Couples. Now more than ever it’s important to keep up the flow of bribes and payoffs, with those hookups and honeytraps that the CCP delivers like nobody else. You can blackmail a colleague and collect a huge kickback, while enjoying an exciting erotic adventure. Suggest a threesome so you can slip away and steal flashdrives, bank codes and install surveillance chips, and don’t forget to record all the naughty fun on Zoom so the PLA can keep score!”
TOP TIP: Try not to get busted, like Dr. Charles Lieber, head of Harvard’s Chemistry Department, who had a chill crib and a private lab in Wuhan that the PLA created just for his research needs. Charlie’s now in jail in Boston for lying to the US Government about working for the CCP. Honesty is important in relationships, so be clear about your priorities when talking to federal prosecutors and bribe them up front.
Our specialized Chi Com Couples Personality Test lets us know which Party Boss you aspire to admire. Are you a Fitness Single? Then you’re definitely a Xi Jingping Personality Type! Papa Xi likes to keep himself in shape with regular exercise, so he can bring on his A Game invading India and destroying Hong Kong, polish his chops and focus on an amphibious invasion of Taiwan later this summer.
His wife Peng enjoys fashion, concerts and state dinners. But it’s not all work and no play for Xi & Peng, they’ll take a walk on the wild side with like-minded couples.
Says CCP First Lady Peng: “Being married to the most powerful dictator in the world definitely means there’s never a dull moment. I know that plenty of other first ladies find Xi manly and magnetic. Our relationship is based on trust, so I understand that sometimes he needs to get flirty, cause it always pays off with bigger and better things, like de-linking trade and human rights and getting into the WTO. I try to keep an open mind about Xi’s need to pursue other women, it’s for the good of the country, and they’re usually married so we can all approach it from a mature perspective, or photograph the guy in a honeytrap.”
If you like to “Party” you’ll find exciting hookups at
Now more than ever, Hong Kong is a “Party Town” and it’s about to get more exciting with the arrival of Luo Huining and Zheng Yanxiong, two handsome hunks who like it rough and rowdy, mainland style!
Luo Huining profile: I’ve got a good work-life balance going on: destroying Hong Kong’s civil society can be time consuming, but I make sure that I get some ping pong and dinner with friends at least 3 times a week. Yes, the CCPVirus has put some speed bumps in the road, but we stashed away 10 billion USD for unrestricted warfare, plenty of cash can be yours if you call reel in more big fish since Papa’s Xi’s popularity score is kind of low right now. I’ll be honest, I’m looking for cougars with connections to the US and EU government and military, but if you’re hot enough we’ll find a way to use you.
Zheng Yanxiong profile: I’m just so excited to start my new job in Hong Kong! I get to hone my terror & torture and skill set –the special things that drew me to CCP Cupid, the place I go to meet interesting women with shared values. Doing the 2011 crackdown in Wukan inside China was one thing, but in Hong Kong I get to inflict pain when the whole world is watching, that really turns me on. Right now, I’m really too busy for the gym so if you don’t mind a few extra pounds, I think we could have an exciting time together. Please send a recent photograph, I like my women on shapely side, if you know what I mean.
With our new CCP CUPID Tik Tok app, dating is easy meat! Just crack open that Little Red Book and hunt down those Urban Cougars, Running Dogs & Useful Idiots!
CCP CUPID has a membership base of college-educated, vibrant single men and single women. Our special United Front Work Department Relationship Coaches can help find new ways to extort a colleague and ship factories to the PRC, to earn bonus points for all- access passes to our Long March Bar & Babes Club.
If you’re a Wang Qishan Personality Type, Chinder is for you!!! We say fly your freak flag, take your erotic fantasies to the highest heights. Says Wang: “I like my ladies on the younger side, and fitness goals are important to me, so I enjoy sporting events, to keep an eye on the dudes from the NBA & COMCAST, they’re always up for a good time. You don’t even need to spike their drinks, they luv the ladies!”
On Chinder, we’re not into kink-shaming. We understand the privacy concerns of our elite members who are into profiting off of slave labor in concentration camps and forced organ harvesting, so we guarantee adult entertainment supervised by trained PLA and PBS agents who will surveil, threaten and control the international executive of your dreams.
CCP Party Boss Chen Quanguo, lower right, was one badass Governor of Tibet, so Papa Xi sent him to Xinjinag in 2016 where Chen’s having a blast expanding the concentration camp system and methods of oppression and torture he took to the max in Tibet. One major buzzkill: Chen was just sanctioned by the US Government for his hard work, so he can’t pop on a plane for a hot Manhattan weekend, like he used to. Connect with Chen on CHINDER, he’d like to chat with you and he’s into doing threesomes with financial executives on Zoom.
WOLF WARRIORS $$$$$$$$$$$
Looking for naughty nights with an older CCP official who knows the ropes and shows you a good time? Sign up for Wolf Warriors! CCP diplomats at the top of their game with a proven track record of arrests, espionage, torture, extortion, you name it, they’ve done it!
Wolf Warriors are looking for a mature, attractive woman with a fun side, and connections in high finance, government, media, to enhance the CCP’s relationship goals of capturing global 5G technology before it’s too late!
Ladies, get your game on, this is Big Boy Sports!
Ambassador Lu Shaye is one serious chick-magnet.
After a stint in Canada, he’s now currently stationed in Paris, with full diplomatic immunity. Lucky Lu is flexing his macho and we can feel the ladies getting hot and bothered. If you’re looking for a night of French cuisine with a funky twist, you can find Lucky Lu on CHINDER, but he’s using a different alias every other day, so make sure you double check that it’s Lucky Lu before you OK that Haute Hookup!
Amb. Liu Xiaoming, UK + Amb. Ciu Tiankai, USA
Amb. Liu Xiaoming Profile: “I’m looking for a woman who likes to cook, enjoys a night of theater or dinner with friends. We have most of the UK elite in our backpockets, so I’m also looking for someone who might show me something new, like how to hack into Raytheon’s new generation of semi- conductors, or buy the National Gallery of Art. I admit, I’m a little fragile these days because I’ve been working really hard to keep the Huawei deal going at Cambridge, so I’m not really up for super big events or raves right now. I’d appreciate some quality down time with someone who’s really well connected.”
Amb. Cui Tiankai Profile: “I consider myself spontaneous, adventurous, kind and somewhat edgy. I’m in the market for a sophisticated lady who will not only up my game but challenge me to do better. The CCPVirus has done a great job destroying America, but we still have to take it to the next level. I’m going to lay my cards on the table: I’m not into one night stands anymore.
That’s too easy. I want a real relationship with a woman who can help the CCP keep corporate America in line and buy off any politicians we’ve overlooked or couldn’t bribe before the financial crisis hit. I’m attracted to go-get-em executives and dynamic entrepreneurs, with connections to the New York Stock Exchange so we can keep pouring US pension funds into PLA military companies. Looks are important to me, but corporate espionage is my weak spot, so if that’s what floats your boat, let’s connect.
At CHINDER CCP CUPID and CHI COM COUPLES we want you to know that all of your sensitive data is encrypted and cannot be found through an online search, so you can rest assured that we take your privacy very seriously, especially if you provide us with meaningful data on western intelligence gathering operations. The more you give, the more you get.
Testimonials from our members: CARRIE LAM: “I thought I was too old to find romance, but CCP Cupid changed all of that. Now I’m meeting interesting, attractive men in my age group who aren’t afraid of a powerful woman. Honestly, with all the power Papa Xi has given me, I feel young again.”
BILL GATES: “CHINDER is my go-to place for meeting hot babes who don’t have issues getting it on with a married man. I like the freedom and the kinky edge of short-term hookups, which is just icing on the cake after I’ve inked mega deals with CCP officials, and had a nice banquet too. Yes, you could say I’m a foodie. ”
Tim Cook: “CCP Dating has never been easier or more fun! I’m thrilled to be hanging out at Tsinghua University for the next 3 years and getting to know the local talent! Hot Shanghai weekends, down with that! HEY CHINDER, GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!
Edited by：【Himalaya Hawk Squad】